Streaks of Light

Archive for April 2008

The gray spell is over. Time to shed old skin.

I’m going back to what I love most. 

Meditation. Zen. New Age. Chakras. Spirituality.

It’s been a while since I read someone’s numerology chart completely or even learned something new from that set, Reiki perhaps? A long time since I read the tarot deck, I was (not to sound egoistic) quite good at it. Nakakatsamba from gut feel. But lately, I’ve been too far detached from that world and I need to come back to it. 

I’ve even stopped “feeling” things. I’m off sync.

I need a reboot, big time. 

I am quietly freaking out the past few days. 

Right after my best friend’s wedding, it climaxed.

Post-wedding trauma I think would be a great name for it. It’s something all the bridesmaid, especially the maid-of-honor gets after a long day of preparation from the wedding.  From the phone coordinations to the actual hands on running around in inched heels (for someone who loves sneakers that’s a mighty big deal) 

The wedding was a success, they loved the avps, and they loved everything else that came with it. The bride got feedback from people texting her they had loads of fun even for a simple wedding. All the rushing about in heels made a difference.  

But it’s not just a physical thing.

That’s easy. Easy as calling the sky blue on a great day. 

What gets to me is the mental part.

That leads to the emotional part.

That further leads to the part where I get myself into more trouble because the emotional-part is heightened by watching movies like 27 Dresses a day after the wedding. Damned.

The part where you starting thinking about the people who asks you “when are you getting married?” before, during and even after your best friends wedding. Where you either reply with a REALLY polite smile, brush it off, or snap back with a remark like “I really like being single,” but is actually wishing you could snap back with a witty remark like “Not yet, because the sex is better.” Just to shut them up. Top that with a conversation my dad and sister had, when asked what if “big” sis got married? and the reply was, “She should, but I don’t want to pressure her.”

Plus, the fact that you’re the only one left in your group who isn’t married off and each time you’re introduced to a grandparentish person, he or she would throw a comment and a short interview and then drop the deal-sealing line “Ok, I’ll look for someone for you” (in chinese) AS IF, you asked them to go and find you a husband. AS IF, you in your own way, couldn’t find one yourself that’s why you needed “wisdomful” help from the elderly. 

AS IF, marriage is the END ALL BE ALL of my existence. 

But…

I still can’t help but feel…what if they’re right? What if, I’m the one stuck in my own handmade world, thinking otherwise? Thinking that I’m not in a rush, thinking that I don’t really care if a wedding happens in the next few years or not. Only lying to myself that I’m not in a hurry. Deadma na. 

And getting that intense feeling that you’re not wedding material because, one, you’re afraid to commit that deeply due to external factors that may affect your lifestyle; two, you’re afraid he’s really never going to propose because he doesn’t believe in weddings at least the way you do and he already told you so; three, there’s no one else who’ll help you plan your own wedding when you’re the only one left in your group of friends who is single, just in case the “he” in number two changes his mind; Four, you are not wedding or marriage material. 

Fuck. 

 

Peek into my music.

This is so fun! hahaha. Snatched from Pointe Blank’s blog. Added a few more myself, to make it twenty.

Here are the instructions:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question

3. use the song title as the answer to the question.

Here we go.

1. What does this year have in store for me? Returns a King (300 OST, Tyler Bates)

2. What does my love life look like? Me and My Shadow (Robbie Williams & Jonathan Wilkes)

3. What do I say when life gets hard? Friday, I’m In Love (The Cure)

4. What do I think of when I get up in the morning? Fuck me Pumps (Amy Winehouse)

5. What song will I dance to at my wedding? No More Riots (Bent Nails)

6. What do you want as a career? In This Home On Ice (Clap Your Hands Say Yeah)

7. Your Favorite Saying? Please Me Like You Want To (Jack Johnson)

8. Favorite Place? Over Tokyo (Collective Soul)

9. What do you think of your parents? Remedy (The Black Crowes)

10. Where would you go on a first date? London Bridge (Fergie)

11. Drug of choice? Twice As Hard (The Black Crowes)

12. Describe yourself? Breaking The Girl (Red Hot Chilli Peppers)

13. The song that will be played at your funeral. Superstylin’ (Groove Armada)

14. What’s your pornstar name? Sexi Plexi (Jack Johnson)

15. What is your state of mind like at the moment? Nothing Lasts Forever (Maroon 5)

16. How will I die? Ugly (Sugarbabes)

17. The song you’ll put as the subject? Fall to Pieces (Velvet Revolver)

18. What will happen to you tomorrow? Purple Haze (The Jimi Hendrix Experience)

19. What do you hate most? I Slept With Someone and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me (Fall Out Boy)

20. What will you do after this meme? Get Up and Jump (Red Hot Chilli Peppers)

Not bad ah, pasok yung iba haha.

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I am seriously marking that date for an out-of-town trip.

I need it just to save my sanity from the monotony.

I love working but it has come to a point that nothing “new” is happening.

Just yesterday, I was amused by how gracefully and poised an officemate fell off a chair.

It took “him” 10 seconds to fall off without even a hint of noise from the fallen chair, only his 10 seconds of aaaahhs.

An award for Most Graceful Fall should be in place just for that.

And, it was the highlight of my day.

Urgh.

I think I have officially been eaten alive by boredom.


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